Approaching the Sensitive Topic of Weight with a Loved One
If you’re concerned about a friend or family member’s weight, it’s important to approach the topic sensitively. Being overweight is linked to health issues like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and cancer, as well as a lower quality of life. However, discussing weight loss can be triggering, often causing feelings of shame and humiliation. Timing, empathy, and mindful communication are crucial in initiating a conversation about weight. Here are some dos and don’ts to consider when talking to your loved one about potentially losing weight.
7 Dos and Don’ts for Talking to a Loved One About Weight Loss
1. Seek Permission to Discuss Concerns
To address your loved one’s weight-related health concerns, it is important to ask for their permission before initiating a conversation. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Kasey Goodpaster from Cleveland Clinic’s Bariatric and Metabolic Institute, if they are unwilling to discuss it, respect their decision and let them know you are available for support if they change their mind. You can say something like, “I’m here for you whenever you feel ready to talk.”
Can You Personally Mix Peptides for Weight Loss?
Alternatively, wait for your loved one to bring up the topic themselves. “My suggestion would be to wait until they make a comment about their weight or eating habits,” advises Vasserman. “When they do, it’s better to listen, empathize, and validate their feelings rather than trying to offer a solution right away.”
Once given permission, you can share helpful information. For instance, if they mention weight-related issues like osteoarthritis, you can use that as an opening to start a conversation. Dr. Surampudi suggests saying something like, “Did you know that losing 5 pounds can take about 20 pounds of pressure off your knees and ankles?”
If the person has already expressed their reluctance to discuss their weight, it is essential to listen and respect their wishes. “Avoid bringing up the topic again if they have clearly stated their preference not to talk about it,” advises Goodpaster. “Trust that they will approach you if they decide to address it in the future.”
2. Refrain from Saying, ‘You Should Consider Going on a Diet’
According to Surampudi, it’s best to avoid using accusatory language such as “you need to” or “you should.” Such words can be seen as critical and make your loved one feel judged.
Offering simplistic advice like “Why don’t you eat less and exercise more?” is unhelpful, as noted by Goodpaster. This kind of advice implies that weight management is easy, when in reality, it is a highly difficult and complex process. Additionally, it’s likely that your loved one has already heard similar suggestions before. Goodpaster suggests treating the person with extra weight as an expert in their own body, acknowledging that they may have tried various diets in the past. When they are ready to make a change, you can ask about their previous experiences and what methods worked best for them.
3. Approach with Love and Care
To address concerns about your loved one’s overall health, it is crucial to have an open conversation. Instead of focusing solely on weight or appearance, emphasize the importance of their well-being, suggests Vasserman.
Express your worries from a place of love rather than criticism. Goodpaster advises using statements like, “I will always love you regardless of your body size. Because I care so much, I want us to lead a long and healthy life together.”
Encourage them to share their perspective in a compassionate manner. For instance, you can say, “Considering our family history of diabetes, I’m concerned about your health. Can you please let me know how you feel about the weight gain?” recommends Goodpaster.
4. Avoid Criticizing Food Choices
Instead of being critical, it’s important to understand that criticizing your loved one’s eating habits is unlikely to result in positive changes. According to Goodpaster, it is not helpful to “food police” or make negative comments about what someone is eating, even if they express a desire to lose weight. This kind of behavior often leads to feelings of guilt and shame, which can trigger emotional eating.
Research has shown that making negative comments about weight during childhood can contribute to dissatisfaction with one’s own weight later in life, as revealed in a study focused on women.
Furthermore, shaming an individual is not an effective approach to motivate them. Goodpaster emphasizes that true and lasting change cannot be achieved through pressure or guilt imposed by others. The person must be self-motivated to embark on the challenging journey of long-term behavior changes required for weight loss.
5. The Power of Offering Support in Weight Loss
When conversing with someone overwhelmed by the idea of weight loss, it’s important to recognize that sometimes a listening ear is all they need. Instead of providing specific suggestions on how to lose weight, expressing your willingness to support them along their journey is crucial, according to Vasserman. By asking how you can be helpful or supportive, you create an opportunity for meaningful discussions.
Moreover, focusing on making healthy behavior changes as a family rather than singling out one person with excess weight can be beneficial. Goodpaster suggests involving the whole family in activities like grocery shopping, meal preparation, walks together, or engaging in enjoyable forms of physical activity.
Scientific research also supports the effectiveness of a collaborative approach to weight loss. A study revealed that individuals who participated in a 15-week online weight loss program with a partner achieved greater weight loss compared to those who undertook the program alone.
6. Refrain from Automatically Praising a Loved One’s Weight Loss
It is advisable to avoid making comments about a loved one’s weight loss unless they have specifically requested it. People have different reactions to compliments about their bodies, with some appreciating them due to difficulties in recognizing their own progress, while others may feel uncomfortable and scrutinized. If you’re uncertain about the person’s preferences, it’s best to ask.
According to Goodpaster, it is important not to automatically compliment someone’s weight loss unless they have expressed a desire for such feedback and you are aware that the weight loss has resulted from healthy behavior changes. Weight loss should not be assumed to be positive, as it can sometimes be unintentional due to illness or the result of unhealthy practices for controlling weight.
7. Importance of Considering the Timing for These Discussions
The timing of these conversations is crucial. Discussing weight in front of others can lead to embarrassment, so it’s best to avoid such discussions. It’s also important to refrain from talking about health and weight when you or your loved one are emotionally vulnerable, like during a heated argument.
Timing plays a significant role, according to Surampudi. If you know that your loved one is sensitive or not ready to address their weight, it’s better to wait. During difficult times, such as going through a divorce or facing setbacks, it may not be the right moment to bring up weight issues and set challenges.
