Depression Made Me Fat, but Ozempic Made Me Depressed
Growing up with Food and Expectations
As a child, I was taught to finish all the food on my plate during every meal. Eating in my family was uncomplicated; we ate for nourishment and to show appreciation for those who worked hard to provide us with food.
However, I had an inexplicable aversion to pork chops. Despite my dislike, my mother insisted on serving them regularly, questioning why a Black child would not enjoy them. My parents, rooted in Southern traditions, didn’t believe in granting children autonomy, including when it came to food. Consequently, I learned to clean my plate, eat with enthusiasm, and value what I had.
A New Perspective on Food
Things changed when I entered adulthood and discovered that food could help alleviate my depressed and troubled moods. I began appreciating food, even considering myself a connoisseur, realizing that eating was about more than just fulfilling caloric needs.
My enjoyment of food didn’t lead to overeating or excessive consumption. Rather, I cherished the flavors, aromas, and the satisfaction of feeling full and nourished.
The Impact of Psychiatric Medication
However, my relationship with food took a turn when I started taking psychiatric medication for clinical depression. Almost immediately, I experienced significant weight gain, which has proven difficult to lose. Over the course of twenty years, the combined effects of depression and various psychotropic medications have significantly affected my metabolism.
Psychiatric medications are notorious for their potential to cause weight gain, yet I struggle to find a compassionate psychiatrist who can address this issue effectively. It seems that psychiatry presents a disheartening trade-off: prioritizing mental health and well-being at the expense of physical appearance. Despite voicing my concerns, my doctors simply prescribed more medication, resulting in further weight gain or sporadic temporary weight loss, inevitably followed by additional weight gain.
The Importance of Food and Emotional Connection
In early 2023, my breathing troubles began as a result of constant weight fluctuations. Fearing the worst, I envisioned a bleak future with myself lifeless, overweight, and clutching a box of Girl Scout cookies.
Seeking help, I requested a sleep study from my internist. Unfortunately, he dismissed the idea, believing that shedding 40 pounds in six months would solve my respiratory issues. Instead, he introduced me to a popular medication called semaglutide, famous on platforms like Instagram and TikTok, and advised me to lead a more fulfilling life.
However, after six months, I remained overweight despite taking semaglutide. It seemed that my body’s set weight had been affected by psychiatric medications, possibly permanently.
Unexpectedly, I discontinued the weight loss medication due to an unforeseen side effect. While on semaglutide, my desire for food significantly decreased or even disappeared altogether. To my surprise, I realized that without food, my life became even more melancholic.
As someone who chronically experiences unhappiness, I require more avenues for expression, not fewer. My life needs additional sources of joy, not limitations. Eating brings excitement, pleasure, and vitality to an otherwise monotonous and gloomy existence. Losing my longing for food resulted in a loss of purpose in my life.
Food, for me, holds deep sentimental value. It represents my connection to my family and cherished memories, such as my mother’s delectable pork chops or my grandmother’s skillet cornbread and “pf’s” (pig’s feet).
When I consume the food associated with my family, it’s about paying tribute to them, acknowledging their presence. Now, when I eat, it’s about recognizing and fulfilling my own needs and desires. It’s about nourishing myself.
For me, happiness begins by embracing and appreciating my hunger rather than suppressing it. I must find ways to alleviate my loneliness, isolation, grief, regrets, and low self-esteem. While it may seem unconventional, sometimes finding solace at the bottom of a box of Girl Scout cookies or savoring a delicious pork chop is the best option available.
